How judgmental are you?
Uh-uh – not “how judgmental would you like to consider yourself to be”, but how judgmental are you really?
That’s a tough one to be honest about because none of us want to think we’re judgmental, which would be bad. We’re just “more right”.
A month or so ago someone in my personal life yelled at me that I always think I’m right…you’d think that would be a good thing in my field, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t meant as a compliment.
So I consulted my best friend on how to mentally process the above-mentioned claim. We’ve been friends since we were 12, and she knows me more than anyone (excluding my husband). I imagine she’s biased, but even though she is 100% heart-based she doesn’t sign for any shit no matter who’s trying to deliver it as shinola. I ♥ her. She said “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard…who doesn’t think they’re right?”
And then I had an “A-ha!” moment.
I had actually spent the time between being blamed for “thinking I’m right” and when I talked with my BFF wondering whether I’d gone about being “me” wrong. I thought being confident in who you are, having good intentions, and standing in a place of love were good things. And that’s all I thought I was – with the intention of love – confidently me. But someone else didn’t see it like that, and I’d found myself considering keeping the peace with that individual by doubting myself and catering to that person’s fear and lack of self worth. I know I should know better than that, but it’s an ongoing pitfall of being an empath.
But then I realized I’m too close to 40 to buy any more shinola. I wish I’d figured this out at 15.
What my best friend understood that the other person did not is the difference between being right (confident about who you are) and being right-eous (believing you are in any way “more right” than anyone else), aka, judgmental or close-minded. No matter how strongly you feel about anything or however right you are, becoming “righteous” means forgetting the basis of being open-minded and open-hearted.
Here’s the lowdown on how I think I’m right: I am right for me. What do I know? Like Jon Snow, nothing. And that’s right for me. If I seem confident it’s because that’s my natural energy and when something resonates with me I share it…confidently. Most of what I think and say comes from my intuition, and I trust that connection implicitly. But there is a huge gap between being confident and being close-minded; they are not even close to each other. I revel in what I can learn. Every day.
I am in continual self-check of my thoughts and feelings, because it’s easy to confuse those two circuses as the truth of who we are. My goal is to practice simply observing – myself, others, how I feel, and what I think, but to not give an undue proportion of importance to any one of them.
We all come across a million opportunities a day to exercise using our “eye” over “I” when it comes to truly seeing what and who is inside of us and around us. It DOES NOT MATTER if we like another person’s actions, opinions, outfits, mannerisms, or words from an egoistic perspective, or if they do or don’t like ours.
Is what someone is saying or doing the truth for them, whether you want to hear it or not? Is what they are saying or doing harmful to you or others? Is your knee-jerk reaction to what you do or don’t like about someone else as important as the fact that it reveals your own blind spots? And then consider whether what you say and do reflects your truth without harming others.
When we’re still trapped in the storms of ego (attachment to our emotions, thoughts, and opinions), we don’t want to admit we’re wrong. But being wrong about an external circumstance is inevitable so we might as well let go of the stress of pretending it’s not, and focus instead on learning to recognize when something resonates within us intuitively as “right” – past any fear-based thought or feeling that might tell us otherwise. I think one of our largest lessons in life is to learn how to lovingly be in the calm center – the eye – of those storms.
When we get past our own fears and self-doubts there’s something to learn from everyone, not just about them but also about ourselves. And then our individual and collective focus can turn to healing, helping, and accepting.
I feel so strongly about this that I got eyes tattooed on my wrists five years ago. When I meditate, seeing “eyes” or a single eye appear are a gateway to a deeper meditative state. I wanted something to be a constant reminder to use my “eye” in my waking life too, so I got both the Eye of Isis and the God Eye (one feminine, one masculine) because I like things to be balanced. Every time I notice them I’m reminded to open them inside of me and see what’s real. They help me step outside of my storms and lovingly into the calm, still eyes within.
I realize not everyone needs that permanent of a grounding technique, but it works for me.
And yes, I took that picture by myself.
My friend Shanna Small has a wonderful blog called Wellness from Inside.
Go check it out! She’s also on Facebook.
She has a few posts from Mooji on it, like the one below. He’s got something to say about the “I” in all of us that you should hear.
I know, ’cause eye’m right.Share