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Sorry, I’m Not Sorry!

I’d like to offer insight into how astrology can work for someone on a personal level and how taking a closer look at your individual energy can be helpful in managing a life.

If you’re not familiar with the different signs, houses, and their meanings, don’t worry about it for this post. If you want more in-depth reading on each sign, check out my Reference Page on leomoonrising.com.

Because it’s the chart I know best, I’ll use two interacting examples from my natal: Leo Moon in the first house and Cancer Ascendant.

Among other things, the Moon placement in a chart represents someone’s emotions, how they communicate and filter emotionally, their desires and needs to nurture and be nurtured, and the ebbs and flows of energy in their life. A Leo Moon is fiery, dominant, loyal, colorful, regal, romantic, egocentric, controlling, a natural leader, loves children and animals, loves games & sports, gregarious, generous, and magnanimous. Leo energy is ruled by Fire and the Sun, and any placement in the first house has singular shaping power for your personality. If it could talk, it may say “I’m grrrrrrreat!” because this masculine energy truly is loving (both of self and others), extroverted, and ready to dance into the next fun challenge. And for the most part, Leo energy thinks other people are great, too, and not just a little because that boosts its self image and experience. Rose-colored glasses? Check.

Added to my Leo Moon is the energy of Cancer Rising (my Ascendant, or “face to the world”) because they are right next to each other, or conjunct. Hence, this website’s name.

Here’s where things get sticky for me.

715405ab1c4ec30a2f968d8aad16b8d2--cancer-season-cancer-zodiac-signsCancer Rising gives me a significant amount of intuitive interaction with whatever is in my surroundings and environment – colors, sounds, smells, textures, lighting, weather, buildings, people…everything. I feel where I am and who I’m with, and Cancer energy brings me the desire for safety, security, being at home, healing, nurturing, maternal instincts, and moods that change cyclically – introverted qualities that don’t often fit into a variety of environments. Cancer is a feminine sign ruled by Water and the Moon and represents the Mother energy in all of us. For a few reasons, I didn’t much value my feminine side until after I became a mother. There’s powerful blood magic in maternity.

So you can already see the dichotomy of masculine/feminine, active/receptive, advancing/retreating, fire/water, Sun/Moon in my chart. The combination of my fiery, masculine delivery of my emotions and the watery, feminine intuitive reception of my surroundings are at odds; I have an internal battle of the extrovert versus the introvert. Throughout my life I have (very naturally) presented myself boldly only to become devastated when I’ve (equally naturally) perceived myself to be rejected in some way by who or what is around me, which sometimes led to me become withdrawn, wounded, and doubting myself. And as large as my sensitive heart can be, my claws are sharp.

These combined energies offer me opportunities to learn I must separate what I pick up on from being part of me, to understand it’s the energy of whoever or whatever is around me. I must also recognize that perceiving feelings of others doesn’t mean I have to agree with them or that their opinions count more than mine, especially when those opinions are rooted in negative energy. It’s no secret how often people insist they’re right, and that can be boggy ground for empaths. Because I’m strongly maternal and optimistically proactive, I feel pulled to intercede whenever I sense someone needs nurturing and champion them to themselves. The problem with doing this unconsciously is that it’s not always the right time for me to be involved in whatever is going on with another person – my leonine caretaking isn’t always welcome. (Imagine! Not everyone wants my help right now?!) It can be tricky to balance warrior (Leo) and healer (Cancer) energies. 11507299868kyosu72m2vkrtbsnep2ouhkqabykzqievwfqqarc1i9gqvhtwvmcc4lzrybglmffhmjapuvdqknnvsughoqecbrm3erumz6yyg1h

So I’m learning to notice my urge to jump into a situation and counteract it by taking a step back, breathing, and listening. It may or may not be right for me to be a part of whatever is going on, and backing off also saves me the pain later of feeling rejected if the time wasn’t right. Even though I can see their issues, they’re not mine to approach unless someone specifically asks for my input.

Occasionally people have had a difficult time understanding that my emphatic and empathetic nature not only isn’t about them, but also isn’t meant to harm, offend, or intrude on them. It was a foreign concept that anyone would feel threatened by me just being me. I mean, wtf? Who else am I supposed to be? (Did I mention my Sun is in Aries, ninth house and conjunct Midheaven? I’ve got some Fire, people. I was born this way.) But we all have our own communication styles and it wasn’t obvious to me at those times that we weren’t on the same page. I may have felt in balance within myself, but I wasn’t in balance with what was outside of me. It forced me to realize a much bigger balance is called for.

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This has been a difficult lesson for me and involved some ego bruising and hurt feelings, but it’s simply one of my chances to mature. I have heart-centered motivation but the reality is that, altruistic as it may be, it isn’t always in balance with the moment. Not everyone is ready for it, and I’ve learned that it’s not “help” if someone isn’t able or willing to accept it. And there have been times when the real lesson was that it was time for me to pay attention to myself and stop externalizing my own needs.

In the moments I can remember all of that, life goes more smoothly. I remember to be true to who I am and honor the lessons and gifts my Leo Moon brings me, as well as those from my Cancer Rising. I’m grateful for them both. I’m learning to be more present to what’s actually happening rather than defaulting into subconscious patterns that lead to an egoistic or hurt-self auto setting, recognizing that my sensitivity is a wonderful thing and to learn from it by not taking things so personally. For the most part, each person’s thoughts and words are mostly about themselves. In realizing that I’m able to see myself and others more clearly. I can step back and give the energy in that space room to play out in a different way, which ultimately gives me more freedom.

Like fine wine, I believe in becoming enriched as we age – continually learning more about who we are and then using that wisdom to transform and improve connections within our lives. We’re all works in progress. My authenticity is my integrity of self, accounting for both the parts and the sum. I want to hone it to it’s highest potential, whatever that looks like.

A friend of mine with her Ascendent in the same degree of sunny Leo as my Moon inspires me with one of her familiar phrases:

“Sorry, I’m not sorry!” 

She is unapologetically being who she is whilst carrying on with heart. Love her for that reminder that it’s ok if not everyone understands or approves of us. Each of us deserves to know that truth. Each of us has our own issues and that’s our work, on a personal level and collectively.

We are complex. When we dissect some of what’s going on, we can see things better to work with what we have more intentionally and intelligently for the ultimate benefit of ourselves and others. Fair warning: it takes courage.

This synopsis of my Moon and Ascendant is a teeny, tiny look at those energies and some of their meaning in my life. Our astrological points are pieces in the puzzle. You have your own, too. If you’re inspired to find out more about your own chart and energy, go ahead and follow the white rabbit, choose the red pill, go through the looking glass – for on this journey of yourself, the knowledge available is infinite as the stars.

 



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